I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder about four
years ago. I thought I have been pretty open about my illness, even from the
beginning and progressively more so as time has passed. I really broke the
barrier when I wrote about it here. I have considered pursuing the role
of a Certified Peer Specialist in the Mental Health Field; in this role I would
have to be extremely open about my experiences with my depression and anxiety
throughout my life. I thought it would be easy for me to do that, especially
because it would be a means to help another individual.
All of those theories were challenged about six months ago
when a friend of mine who also struggles with a mental illness gave me a
bracelet that symbolizes awareness for depression. I immediately put it on when
she gave it to me, but, even then, it didn’t feel quite right. The next morning
I saw my therapist and told her that I didn’t like having this physical
reminder of my mental illness. Soon after, I took the bracelet off and put it
in my jewelry box.
Fast forward to about a month ago when I saw an intriguing
post on Facebook: It was about the
semicolon project http://www.projectsemicolon.com/.
The semicolon project is about getting a tattoo of a semicolon because “A
semicolon is used when an author could’ve chosen to end their sentence, but
chose not to. The author is you and the sentence is your life.” Multiple
friends of mine were posting links about it. I thought it was very interesting.
I’m not really they type to get a tattoo, though – I don’t even have any
piercings, not even my earlobes. Something about the idea of getting a tattoo
to symbolize everything I have gone through and to make a commitment to not
give up on my life journey, as well as to show solidarity to all the other
people in the world really spoke to me.
So, I showed up to my next therapy session wearing the
bracelet my friend had given me. I told my therapist about the semicolon
project and explained to her that I was wearing the bracelet to see if I felt
any differently about having a physical symbol for my mental illness. Even
though the bracelet is somewhat annoying (I don’t really wear jewelry), and
it’s in a much more obvious place than where I plan to get the tattoo, I also
figured it would be good practice in case anybody asked me about the bracelet
to see how I dealt with explaining its meaning. She smiled and said that she
thought it was a good idea.
It’s been about three weeks now, and I’ve only taken the
bracelet off when I had an x-ray and an MRI done (yes, people with mental
disorders still have physical disorders too). I haven’t committed to getting
the semicolon tattoo. I’m pretty sure I know where I want to get it, and I think
I want to go simple and classic with the style. I plan on waiting until
Christmas time to go through with it. I think that would be sufficient time to
decide if I want to permanently turn my insides out.
